the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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