I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
