You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
