OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
