did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
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