this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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