The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
