All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
