everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
