So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize