Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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