You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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