remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
