just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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