You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
