Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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