Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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