Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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