Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
