He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
