I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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