you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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