She's JV to your varsity
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
