I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
