she takes plan B like it's going out of style
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
