No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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