smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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