I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
