remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
