For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
