i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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