I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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