Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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