I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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