nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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