We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
