ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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