so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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