I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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