Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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