One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
