apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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