it was like his penis was on wheels.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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