Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
