Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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