Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Verdict: uncircumcised.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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