You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
