I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
