Moan for me like Helen Keller
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
