My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
