so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
either way he was missing a nipple.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
