Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Randomize
