im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
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