eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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