That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
