He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
