where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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