I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Randomize