I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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