she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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