we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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