so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
