I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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