I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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