if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
It was confusing and full of hummus
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
