alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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