Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize