lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
