i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You ruined the universe
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
