i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
