i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Randomize
