It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
