Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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