Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
