i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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