will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
