If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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