I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
This is the high leading the old right now
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
